Part 10
OFFICIAL SCRIPT By: Brad Shoemaker and Nick DePalma PART 10: Cut back to The Grüp in the Amazon rainforest. The sneak up on a large compound, complete with fences and searchlights and guards, what have you. They pull out grappling hooks and shoot them up to the roof. Thongledore’s misses and instead hits a chimp. It makes a sound and falls onto Thongledore. They arrive through a window and Thongledore is all messed up (moreso than normal). They’re sneaking around the base with flashlights, earpieces, typical sneakin’ stuff. BADASS: What are we looking for, now? This place gives me the creeps. I’m-a shakin in mah boots. MANFRED: There’s some sort of connection between these mercenaries and the Andybird. We need to find out if this link can help us defeat it. They walk up to huge locked door. MANFRED: This must be important… THONGLEDORE: Ey, leave it… to me, oh! He walks up and uses his beard to unlock the door. It rises by itself to form a key and jams into the lock. When it comes out, it droops back down. MANFRED: There’s something severely wrong with you THONGLEDORE: More like there’s something severely THONG….LE…dore. My name’s Thongledore! (silence) PETER: (soft chuckle) The door led to a security surveillance room, and The Grüp looks at the various security monitors. It shows massive ranks of super zombies, the mercenaries. There are at least 5000 there. MANFRED: My god MCGREGOR: Look. Zombies. MANFRED (annoyed): It’s pretty obvious, man. MCGREGOR: Yes, but I’m McGregor. MANFRED: WE KNOW, YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY THAT EVERY FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES!! PETER: Calm down, Manny. What’s happened to you? It’s like you’re not even you anymore. MANFRED: YOU WOULD CHANGE TOO IF YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS (points to Thongledore) PERVERTED FREAK, THIS (points to Badass)….eh, you’re alright… AND THIS (points to McGregor)… THING. HOW ARE YOU EVEN HERE?! WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM? (moves in closely) WHAT ARE YOU? MCGREGOR: …I’m McGregor. Manfred walks off fuming. Peter goes chasing afterwards. PETER: Come on, Manny, you’ve got a job to do. Manfred realizes that someone actually cares about the mission again and calms down. MANFRED: It’s OK, we need to work our way down to the ground level. There’s gotta be a way to stop them. Shows the monitor in the security room. There’s a central pillar that is changing trapped people on conveyor belts into zombies. Cuts to the real thing. People are being pulled into the pillar screaming. In one of the cages, an old friend sits on a stool reading a book. OLD BRITISH MAN (looks around): Oi, what’s goin’ on? This isn’t the DMV? (nudges the guy next to him) It’s movin’ a lot faster than the DMV, am I right? OH HO HO HOHO. He passes through the Zombification Gate, there’s a light show, and he comes out the other end as a zombie, still laughing. He then eats the book. It pans up and shows and shows The Grüp on a balcony overlooking the zombie production line. They’re leaning over the edge. Manfred points to the Z-Gate. MANFRED: There’s where they’re producing the zombies. If we shut that thing off, we might actually stand a chance. BADASS: How are we gonna get down there? The railing suddenly gives way and Badass falls into the area with the newly formed super zombies. MCGREGOR: Like that. Badass looks around really frightened. All of the zombies huddle around him and eye him suspiciously. BADASS: Uh, what exactly is the organ that you guys like so much. It on the tip of my tongue. ZOMBIE #1: Braiiinsss… BADASS: Ah, yes, yes yes. (looks over to zombie #2) You know, I actually had some brains the other day. (The zombie stares blankly and grunts). Yes, it was delectable! It was actually a Nobel Prize winner’s and I gotta say: mm mm mmm (licking fingers). ZOMBIE #2: Bllllaaaggrrhhhhh (moves back into the ranks) Badass looks around nervously. Calls up Manfred on the earpiece. BADASS: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. (starts sobbing) MANFRED: Calm down, that was an excellent plan. BADASS: Yes…plan. MANFRED: Ok, now you’re going to be in quite a bind here. We’re going to trust that you can take down the Zombification Gate. Can you do that? Badass cries as he walks through the ranks of zombies. They drop through a chute and get the weapons, armor, and gear placed on to them. As they travel through the chute, they can look through the glass. Badass sees a giant archway in the distance that looks run-down and barricaded. The word “BiTC” is carved into the stone. BADASS: I think I saw something…. We might be finding out what this BiTC thing is. There’s a lair built underneath this complex. MANFRED: I know that name means something to me. We’ll focus on finding that lair. Badass, you need to regroup with us. BADASS: How will I do that? MANFRED: Be creative. Badass lands out of the chute and into a huge tunnel that sends zombies into pods across the world. Cut back to Manfred. Him and the others are walking through the vents to get back outside. The exit window is secured. MANFRED: We’ll have to turn off the power to get out of here. Looks like the power box is in the next room over? He gets ready to go. PETER: How about Badass? MANFRED: He should have been faster… PETER: You know, the real Manny would’ve had a better plan for this. He wouldn’t have left his own man behind. MANFRED: WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE WHOLE “REAL MANNY” THING? I bust my balls saving your skin earlier and this is how you repay me?! I AM MANFRED MCMANLISON! MCGREGOR: You gotta stop saying that. PETER: YEAH, WELL YOU’RE ALSO A STUPID FACE. A DUMPY DORKY DOOFY BUTT HEAD. MANFRED: AT LEAST I GOT A HEAD. He kicks Peter’s head and it falls off into the vent, clanging. Peter picks it up and puts it back on. The clanging continues though. MCGREGOR: We may want to run. Suddenly, the walls burst open and super zombies start flooding it. They bust through the opening and make it into the next room with the power box. Manfred looks at it frantically. MANFRED: Red wire, blue wire, red….. McGregor shoots a rocket and it barely weaves through the falling apart building. It hits the Zombification Gate, which powers the whole facility, and the whole place goes dark. MCGREGOR: No wire. MANFRED: Well, actually, the wire’s still here, but I-uh, I guess that works as a mediocre one-liner. MCGREGOR: More like a “gun-liner”. He shoots a shotgun blast into the mob of zombies, which obviously only slightly hinders them. They start to dart out of the facility with more and more zombies chasing them. PETER: I STILL THINK YOU’RE DUMB MANNY MANFRED: WELL YOU’RE STILL AN UNGRATEFUL STONER PRICK MCGREGOR: NOW IS NOT THE TIME. Also, I’m McGregor. They leave the complex, as a huge mob chases them out. MANFRED: Hide! In there! They hide in a small cave nearby. Cut back to Badass in the zombie mob. They hear an alarm go off and all the zombies start running. Badass looks around confused. Some zombies bump into him. BADASS (running with the zombies): Uh, whassup my zombie brother? (no response) Hey zombie brotha from another undead motha? (still no response) Right, no coherent thoughts…. Yeah, let’s get those dumb non-zombies. Yes, all non-zombies are really dumb… wait, I mean brains. Badass calls Manfred. MANFRED (as zombies thunder around him): AHOY- HOY. BADASS: Where are you? MANFRED: We’re in a cave outside the facility. BADASS: I think you’re going to have some company. THONGLEDORE: I love company! Especially when they’re *clicks tongue*. BADASS: …no. I mean bad company. The zombies flood into the cave and Badass joins. PETER: Hey, Badass! We’re over here! Look! (points over to him) It’s Sheriff Badass! From our group! Right over there! (The zombies look over suspiciously) He’s just pretending to be a zombie! Remember our plan! BADASS: Well this won’t end well. The ceiling busts open and General Payne is there in his Osprey. PAYNE: I’ll say. You’re gonna wish were dead, boy. The ladder comes down and he takes him away. He can’t see the rest of the group because they’re surrounded by zombies, so he flies away with his new hostage. The rest of The Grüp inches toward a run down lift next to them. They all get in, and then McGregor shoots the rope, dropping the lift and creating the cave in. The Grüp is now trapped in the BiTC lair.